Lack of Caffeine

Anxiety at the moment. My bf has jury duty and my friend works a diff schedule than me so I have time where I’m thinking about how I lost one of my best friends and how my other one rarely talks to me. I don’t really know who to trust anymore. I have friends aside from them, but I haven’t really let my guard down with anyone else. Too afraid of getting hurt. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this. They may deserve better than me. I’ve let myself get really selfish, I know. But it just doesn’t make sense to me that that would be enough for them to let me go. I don’t know who to trust in anymore.